Best Served Cold
by XSpike4evaX
Summary: Angel discovers what it's like to be Spike.


Best Served Cold

Love and passion; the greatest feelings in the world. They could build a person up, make them soar high above the world to a place where they would have to look down to see Cloud Nine; and yet, they could destroy a person too, turn them into someone unrecognisable and bring untold pain and misery.

Angel was the latter.

There was nothing he could do about it now, caught up in a tangled web woven from his own love, his own passion and, in a way, his own arrogance.

There had never really been a time when he could honestly say that Spike had bested him at something. Whether he had a soul or not, Angel or Angelus, it didn't matter, Spike somehow never quite measured up and Angel had cruelly thought that it would be the same this time; that Spike would somehow fall short and loose.

The idea of Spike loosing hadn't bothered him, it meant that he was the winner and that's what Angel wanted; to be the winner. To get the girl.

A soul, Angel had discovered, stopped him doing evil things but it did not make him a better person. He was still willing to hurt Spike as he had done so many times over the years to get what he wanted. If Spike was crushed, if it was one rejection too many, Angel didn't think about that, he only thought about what he wanted.

It hadn't turned out the way he had hoped it would. Of course, if he'd had any sense he might have seen it was hopeless before he even started, after all, having Spike offer him the very thing he wanted on a silver platter should have set alarm bells ringing; but Angel had only seen the golden opportunity, he hadn't looked deeper which wasn't like him at all. In defence of his stupidity, Angel hadn't lost to Spike in over a century, there was no reason for him to think he would do so now.

XxX

_Sitting at a desk pouring over a large tome Angel didn't even bother to look up when Spike came through the door. _

_Spike wandered about the room for a bit picking up books and putting them back again setting Angel's teeth on edge. Spike never had learnt how to sit still. _

"_Where's Willow?" Angel couldn't help but ask the question. He always wanted to know where she was and what she was doing. He wanted to know what she felt and what she was thinking, but the latter so far was a mystery to him, Willow didn't share her secrets with him. _

"_She don't want you, ya know. Doesn't want you to feel left out is all. Got a good heart my girl."_

_Angel stiffened. He looked up and found Spike leaning against the wall searching through his pockets for a packet of cigarettes. Spike didn't even bother to look at him when delivering that crushing announcement. _

"_The world's gone to Hell and you can still find cigarettes." _

_Spike lit up and surveyed Angel through a cloud of smoke. "You don't wanna hear it, I get it. But it's true." _

"_It didn't look that way to me last night," Angel retorted. "You were there, remember? You were lying next to her watching when we made love. She wanted me then." _

_Spike snorted and shook his head. "Made love did ya? That's news to me. Be news to her too I shouldn't wonder. She'll shag ya, Angel, she'll let you take comfort in her 'cos that's what she's like. But she don't want you. Its me she makes love to not you. When we're alone, in our bed, she comes alive and it's me she says "I love you" to. It's me she begs to stay with her an' never leave her."_

_He took a long drag of his cigarette the end glowing in the dim light. "I know, you know." _

"_You know what?" _

"_That you're in love with my girl. I knew right from the start." _

_Angel had always been a master at hiding his thoughts and feelings, of keeping his face a careful blank. It paid to keep your enemies guessing and he'd had a lot of enemies to deal with over the years, but he knew the shock of Spike's words was clearly written on his face. It had been the last thing he expected to hear; that Spike was aware of his true feelings towards Willow. _

"_Then why…?" _

"_Why stand back an' let you be with her? Why didn't I say somethin' before?" Spike took another drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out slowly, watching it hang in the air for a moment before drifting away. "Now you've had a taste of her, just a little taste mind you, you've touched her body but you've never touched her, not like I do. But, you've had a taste and now you know, now you know what you'll never truly 'ave, now you know what your missin', what's never gonna be yours. Now you know what it's like to be on the outside lookin' in, to want what you can't 'ave, to love someone who'll never love you back." _

_He pushed off from the wall and crossed the room. Pulling open the door Spike paused in the doorway and glanced back at Angel over his shoulder. "Now you know what its like to be me." _

XxX

Spike had given him what he wanted, come to him one evening and offered him the chance of a night with Willow if he wanted to take it. Angel had naturally been suspicious but not suspicious enough to look beyond the offer, especially when Spike had simply said that it made sense to stick together, it was a new world now, albeit one that was stuck in Hell and they needed to make their own rules, figure things out for themselves. The offer was there if Angel wanted it, with the way things were Spike had said he wasn't worried about the soul disappearing; who could be happy in this situation?

Spike had taken it all away too.

Angel almost laughed at himself, how eager he had been to accept Spike's offer. He had been sure that he could take Spike's place in Willow's life; he would show her how much she meant to him, what he really felt for her and make her forget what she had shared, up until now, with Spike.

Spike had three very simply rules that Angel had to promise to adhere to or the whole thing was off. Spike was to be there the whole time, Angel wasn't allowed to bite, and there would be no three ways. Willow was human, Spike said, Angel had to remember that, there was only so much she could take and two vampires at full strength wasn't one of them.

Angel had agreed, he didn't want to share his time with Willow with Spike if he didn't have to. The fact that Spike was going to be there at all was bad enough, but he'd deal with it, it wasn't as if he hadn't had an audience before and didn't that little condition just reek of Spike's insecurities.

Arrogance; he'd had it in abundance and it had cost him his own happiness.

It was not Spike's insecurities that had promoted that rule, it was Willow's true feelings, he just hadn't seen it until Spike had decided to show him.

Truth was a funny thing for now that he had heard it, Angel actually saw it too.

His one night with Willow hadn't been just one night, it became a regular thing although she still spent the majority of her time with Spike. Angel never saw her and Spike make love but he hadn't thought much of it, all it meant to him was that the nights she and Spike did come to his room meant that he got Willow all to himself even if Spike insisted on hanging around like the last turkey in the shop.

But now he saw it, ever since Spike had decided to reveal the truth to him Angel saw it all.

He saw how, even when he was inside her, fixated on her, Willow's eyes would drift to Spike. She looked at Spike in a way she had never looked at him; and it hurt. Could it be any more painful to make love to a woman whose eyes always sought another man?

She would touch him, do anything he requested although Angel didn't ask much of her, just that she might love him; but she didn't and he knew it now. If she loved him then her hand wouldn't stray to Spike. If she loved him it wouldn't be Spike's face her fingers traced or Spike's hand that she held or Spike she smiled at when it was Angel inside her.

When her orgasm hit, no matter what he did to her, Willow never looked at him in that moment, she never called his name simply bit down on her bottom lip or cried out with her body straining and closed her eyes; she could have been with anyone except Spike.

Willow never protested when he held her afterwards, she would smile at him and chat away sometimes, lying peacefully in his arms, but now that he knew the truth Angel could see it as plain as day, he held her, she did not hold him. Always Willow settled down in the crook of his shoulder with her back against him so that she faced Spike.

It was always Spike she looked for.

They never stayed in his bed all night. There would come a time when Willow would yawn, unable to keep her eyes open much longer and Spike would always pick her up and take her back to the room they shared together.

Angel had thought that it was working, that Spike was starting to regret his offer and his legendary jealously was starting to creep in; now he could see it for what it was, Spike took Willow back to their bed so that she could sleep in the arms of the man she loved. She did not want to sleep with him, it was not the relationship he had with her, it was too intimate, it spoke of a deeper commitment than she wasn't prepared to give to him; he was not Spike.

He found that once Spike had opened up his can of worms and the truth had reared its ugly head his rose coloured glasses came off. No matter how much it hurt, and it did hurt. No matter how painful, and painful didn't even begin to cover it; Angel had to acknowledge the truth.

Willow might share her body with him but that was all. He never touched the real Willow, that was something she kept for Spike and Spike alone. She would kiss Spike in front of him sometimes but he had never seen it go beyond that and the reasons for it made Angel sick to his stomach. Spike was special to her, she loved Spike and because she loved Spike she wouldn't allow that love to be tarnished or cheapened under Angel's eyes. She had a true and deep intimacy with Spike that he was not a part of and could never touch.

It was not Spike who made the rules it was Willow, but Spike had allowed Angel to believe otherwise, for even now, when they were all that were left, when they had suffered so much already; Spike was willing to go that little bit further to prove his point and extract revenge that had stemmed from a world that no longer existed.

Spike's pain and humiliation, Angel was forced to admit, did still exist and was deep rooted enough that he still ached for a vengeance that had been denied him up until now. Spike had now what he had always wanted as a man and as a demon; he had a woman in his life who loved him and him alone with all that she had and Spike used that love to cause Angel the same pain and humiliation that Angelus and Angel both had visited on Spike.

He would never have Willow's love, but like Spike did before him with Drusilla and with Buffy, Angel found that he couldn't let her go. He had to keep coming back for the scraps she gave him, not unwillingly or unkindly, Willow was generous to a fault and it was not her fault that she had no idea how much he loved her. Angel was under no illusions that if she did know it would all stop. She'd feel bad and wouldn't want to give him any kind of false hope.

William, Spike's useless human counterpart had been obsessed with finding the right words to express his feelings but he never had done, it was ironic that he now held all the right words to hurt Angel and take away the one good thing in his life; for Spike knew how Angel really felt about Willow and he would tell her, Angel knew he would. It was all a matter of when. Spike held the truth over him like an executioners axe and Angel was left wondering just when it would fall.

"Angel?"

Angel looked up and smiled as Willow came out onto the roof. She neared the edge where he sat and peered down to the destruction and carnage below that had once been the city of Los Angeles.

The light breeze lifted the tendrils of red hair around her face and Angel thought for a moment that this truly was the city of angels, for didn't her very existence prove that angels walked among them?

"Where's Spike?"

His heart clenched painfully. It was always Spike.

"I don't know. Is everything alright?"

Willow smiled, her green eyes crinkling in the corners. "Yes, I just wondered where he was. He's around somewhere, he doesn't go out without telling me."

"Wouldn't go anywhere without you, love." Spike appeared a mug of blood in his hand.

Willow's smile deepened and her hand reached for him, her arm curling around Spike's waist as she slipped comfortably against his side. "You promise?"

"I promise," Spike kissed her forehead and offered the mug to Angel.

Surprised, Angel accepted it and took a swallow. "Thanks."

Still smiling Willow ran her index finger down Spike's throat and stood up on her tip toes to kiss him. Angel watched her avidly, he couldn't take his eyes off her.

"Aren't you hungry, Spike?"

"Now you mention it, I could do with a little snack. Know where I can find a tasty morsel this time of night?"

Willow's cheeks pinked and she shook her head with amusement. Gathering up her long hair she pulled it over her shoulder and tilted her head back. "Help yourself, baby."

Angel's gut twisted, his heart shrivelled up and died; Spike was feeding off her now? There was no deeper level of intimacy for a vampire.

Brushing his lips along her throat Spike glanced up and smirked. "Bottom's up." His face morphed and Willow gasped when his fangs sank into her flesh, her arms sliding round his neck and her fingers curling through his hair as she offered him everything and Spike took it all.

Getting up from the ledge Angel took another drink of blood and left the roof. Spike could speak volumes without saying a single word and his meaning was crystal clear, Angel was the one who had to let her go in the end and Spike was the one who got to keep her.


End file.
